Ever heard the term ‘Public Secret’ ? Is this more likely talking about something good and worth to be proud of or something shameful ?
More likely something shameful.
One of the biggest type of secret that no one wants to be ‘public’ or known is family problems.
Imagine a presidential candidate and what he would do to make sure that no one knows about his abusive and scandalous father, or about his promiscuous sister who slept with eighteen guys in one month.
Family problems are often shameful and rarely worth discussing with anyone non-relatives.
photo courtesy of Miki Yoshihito – Creative Commons
But think about this : we tend to repeat the mistakes of our parents. We tend to carry and repeat the problems we had in our original family to our own and more often than not, we do it unconsciously. I know I did. I thought the way my parents raised me was ok (even thought “the best” at some point), until later down the road in my marriage I realized that there were many things that I wished my parents had taught me, so many things I wished they had told me, especially about the bad things in their lives.
I wished I knew if my dad ever had porn addiction like me or if he made the same mistake of premarital sex like I did. He never shared these kinds of things. I wished they shared with me about their lowest and darkest moments of marriage or how their hearts felt when the bank confiscated our only home during the crisis. I wished they had shared these things with me, because I knew it would make me a better and stronger man and it would really equip me going into marriage.
That is why family problems should never be kept secret if you desire to have healthy relationship or marriage, or if you desire for your children.
Looking back today, I think it’s really important to learn the art of opening up about family problems to our children. Let them in to our insecurities. Let them see it. Let them feel it and touch it. Your sins, your past mistakes, current struggles, future worries. Let them in.
And if you’re not married yet, I think it’s also important to learn to share family problems with someone you want to have deep relationship with. Some are afraid of losing the relationship or get judged if they open up. Unfortunately this is a possibility. But if that someone is not comfortable enough about your family problem, then probably that someone is not someone you want to have a long term deep relationship with.
Life ahead is never short of events that will hurt and beat you down. Indeed you need someone who has deep relationship with you to help you heal and get stronger. Watch those who don’t distance themselves away when you share your family problem and not afraid of sharing theirs back to you. They might be the people you want to keep until your old days, or even maybe someone you wanna marry and spend your life with ? Indeed this is one quality to watch for when finding your soulmate from God and even until you have your own family and children.